Well, it has been a while!
I feel like my first post since my rather lengthy hiatus was rather abrupt too; getting straight back into things rather than offering an explanation for my absence. The truth is, I never meant to be gone long, or rather, not at all. Please allow me to explain.
Since moving to WordPress I paid monthly for hosting. Being my rather disorganised bumbling self, I forgot to renew the hosting one month and because my payment card had expired and the reminder emails were going to my junk mail, eventually the hosting company deleted my site and everything on it. When I realised I obviously paid up but everything on my site was lost. Cue complete de-motivation and disappointment. My almost year-and-a-half’s work was lost forever unless I paid just over £100 to restore it. It’s weird because I’ve been blogging since 2010 and I made an active decision to leave my old blog and start afresh, and with that brought about a new found motivation. However, when all your work is taken from you when you’re not ready to let go, it’s really disheartening. I shan’t dwell on that too much, as it was my own fault after all! I’ve learnt my lesson now and updated payment details, so hopefully that won’t happen again. Anyway, the picture above is a brief collage I made in honour of all my old posts and as a way of looking forward to the new, I feel like it complements this post nicely as a way of rounding everything off.
So, I suppose I should let you know what’s happening with me. I feel like so much has happened over these past couple of months, but at the same time, not a lot. I’m still working in digital marketing in the City of London, still visiting markets early on a Sunday and getting in regular cinema trips. Yeah, that’s pretty much stayed the same. I’ve met (and stayed friends with) so many people these past few months though, it’s unreal. I felt like for the first year in London I was pretty much alone. I had a few friends but mostly they were busy and I suppose only a few days a month I really went out with them. I dated a bit too but that made me feel even more awful when things didn’t work out and my best friends to moan about it to were all the way in Cambridge. Anyway, since around May I really put myself out there to meet people, and it paid off. Now my weekends are usually booked up and yes, I’ve now done the whole “it’s 4am and I’ve had a few too many gin and tonics, I have no idea how to get home but I’m going to take a night bus anyway…Why do I have 5 new numbers in my phone?” (apparently I become super charming when I’m tipsy). Having people I know in London really makes me feel grounded now, but I did find it tough at first to put myself out there.
I also moved house! I remember writing before about saving money (a blossoming social calendar doesn’t come cheap). My new accommodation is cheaper so I have a bit more money to play around with every month which is nice as it gives me the means to explore more of London with!
In myself, I feel really good. I’m still into eating healthily and being active (excluding those weekend alcoholic beverages). It must be paying off because at work drinks the other week someone who I used to work with commented on the weight I had lost. My reservations over the appropriateness of someone commenting on a personal thing like that in a professional capacity aside, I did appreciate the compliment. I share some of my healthy dishes on my Instagram, although not often, as I usually eat the same thing haha. Anyway, I have managed to integrate healthier choices in my every day life, and my job is now offering health insurance as a benefit which means I get to join a better gym closer to my work, so there’s no excuse not to make the 7am spinning class!
Sometimes I find it really hard to articulate how I’m actually doing. I read some blogs and people can convey their feelings and thoughts so eloquently and in comparison I find my writing is very wooden. It’s mainly because I’m not really one for talking about my feelings I suppose; partly because I’m generally always alright and partly because if there is something wrong I usually internalise it and work out what it is and why before I say it. For the past few months though, I’ve been really well, and I feel strong, probably more so than I have done in years, because of all what I’ve achieved recently. They’re just little things really, but it’s empowering to know that I’m now mostly self sufficient and reliant, and I feel like I’m managing to keep all my plates spinning for want of a better phrase. For longer than I can remember, I felt like my enjoyment of London and life in general was like a puzzle and there was a piece missing. Over the past year or so I have come to the realisation that we make our own happiness. It seems silly it has taken me 26 years to figure that out, but I feel that aside from tragic events, the enjoyment of our everyday life is mainly down to us.
Oh and I’ve started giving blood again (next appointment is in December), and put in an application for some voluntary work. So that’s it really.
To be honest, it’s been nice just to take my time and write this. Sometimes face-to-face I sometimes say things without always thinking first and then realise it’s not what I meant at all. Here I wrote and re-wrote little bits so what’s here resembles what’s been whizzing around in my head more closely.
I feel like I just rambled on for ages here. I also feel like I’ve lost touch with so many of you due to my hiatus. I still ghost read blogs during my absence, so it’d be lovely to reconnect. How have you all been doing?